Isn’t It Ironic?

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In a groundbreaking effort to protect children, Big Tech has boldly declared war on adult content, decisively proving that it will stop at nothing to shield the internet’s most vulnerable users from the horrors of…consensual sex work. That’s right, folks. While cyberbullying thrives, predators lurk, and your nephew is running up $5,000 in Fortnite skins, Pornhub is the real problem.

Recent bans targeting Pornhub on platforms like Instagram and App Store policies have been hailed as moral victories in the ongoing crusade to ensure that children never stumble across anything more scandalous than a TikTok thirst trap featuring a 19-year-old dressed as a sexy Care Bear. The reasoning? It’s all about “keeping kids safe.” Because if there’s one thing we know about the internet, it’s that blocking a single app or account will definitely prevent minors from ever accessing explicit material again. Ever. Mission accomplished.

The Logic Behind the Ban: A Masterclass in Selective Outrage

Pornhub, the boogeyman of consensual adult content, has been painted as a haven of unchecked depravity by policymakers who apparently think the site’s employees are twirling mustaches and handing out free subscriptions to middle schoolers. Never mind that Pornhub has arguably stricter verification policies than the average tech startup, or that its competitors and, let’s face it, Twitter, still have explicit content spilling out like a broken fire hydrant.

But the narrative isn’t about facts. It’s about feelings. Specifically, the feelings of politicians, advocacy groups, and pearl-clutching parents who are far more comfortable demonizing sex workers than addressing the root causes of exploitation.

After all, why bother with comprehensive education, digital literacy, or parental controls when you can ban Pornhub from Instagram and call it a day? That’s like solving climate change by banning plastic straws—performative, ineffective, and ultimately a thinly veiled attempt to appease the loudest voices in the room.

But Wait: It’s Not Just About Sex Work

Let’s be real. This isn’t just about adult content—it’s part of a broader, increasingly alarming attack on LGBTQ+ rights. Pornhub and other platforms that host adult content often provide a space where queer creators, educators, and sex workers can thrive. These bans disproportionately target LGBTQ+ individuals and their ability to share, monetize, and connect in a world that has historically sought to silence them.

By painting all adult content with the same brush, policymakers and tech companies conveniently erase queer creators and educators who use these platforms to foster community, fight stigma, and promote safer practices. In many cases, these spaces are some of the only safe havens for LGBTQ+ individuals to explore their identities and relationships. Removing these platforms under the guise of “protecting children” is just the latest in a long line of attacks on queer visibility.

If you think this is hyperbole, consider the cultural double standard at play: a straight couple’s risqué TikTok is fine, but queer content is flagged as “explicit” or banned outright, even when it’s no more sexual than a Hallmark movie. The purge of adult content platforms is part of this larger trend—disguised as family values but steeped in puritanical fear of queer liberation.

And yet, while Big Tech and its moral crusaders wring their hands over kids seeing consensual adult content, they seem completely fine with those same kids learning the Electric Slide at school dances. Yes, that Electric Slide—the one about a vibrator. But please, tell us more about your concerns over “age-appropriate” material.

Meanwhile, in Other Corners of the Internet…

While Pornhub is being banished from polite society, other tech giants remain blissfully unbothered by their roles in hosting harmful content. Instagram, for instance, is home to endless scam accounts, harmful beauty trends, and algorithms that funnel teens into rabbit holes of disordered eating content. But sure, ban Pornhub because someone might see a nipple. That’ll fix it.

And let’s not forget about YouTube, where your kid could accidentally end up watching a three-hour conspiracy theory video on lizard people, or Facebook, where your aunt is gleefully sharing QAnon memes. But those platforms are fine because they don’t involve sex—just misinformation, hate speech, and occasionally inciting coups. Totally cool.

Sex Work: Still the Internet’s Favorite Scapegoat

Here’s the truth Big Tech doesn’t want to admit: sex work is the convenient scapegoat in a world that refuses to have honest conversations about online safety. Real safety means nuance, education, and accountability—none of which can be achieved by banning a single app or website. But nuance doesn’t make for good headlines or fundraising emails, so instead we get performative bans that do little more than harm sex workers and leave everyone else to fend for themselves.

Worse, these bans end up hurting the very people they claim to protect. Queer sex workers and educators are left without platforms to make a living, while their presence—a vital counter to stigma and misinformation—is erased. The result? An online world that is not safer, just less diverse and more hostile to marginalized voices.

Final Thoughts: Let’s Ban the Bans

If Big Tech truly cared about keeping kids safe, it would prioritize real solutions like robust parental controls, education, and cracking down on the platforms that profit from exploitation and harm. But that would require work, nuance, and admitting that consensual adult content isn’t the enemy.

Until then, sex workers and their allies—including LGBTQ+ creators—will keep fighting for a world where adults can make a living and be visible without being scapegoated by a society that refuses to face its own hypocrisies. Because banning Pornhub won’t save the kids—but it sure makes for a great headline.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to attend a PTA meeting where they’re debating whether to ban twerking while kids continue line-dancing to a song about vibrators. Priorities, people.